I recently stumbled across a blog called My Fault, I'm Female (http://myfaultimfemale.wordpress.com/), which describes itself as "a blog that shares stories of women who've been made to feel it's their fault that they are female at work, at home, or wherever." In short, it is a collection of reader-submitted stories of sexism directed at women.
My Fault seeks to provide a place for women to tell their stories of sexual harassment in a largely unfettered fashion, and the stories presented are jarring. Interviewees turned down for jobs because they did not wear makeup, women assumed to be lesbian because they spurned a man's lustful advances, and police blaming victims of sexual harassment.
As one might suspect, I cannot look at these stories from the point of view of a dispassionate observer. I look back over my own experiences as a transgender woman and find I have my own share of eerily similar stories.
When I first discussed my transition with my supervisor, more years ago than I care to admit, the assumption was that I would show up for work as a stereotype of a woman �" indeed, assumptions of heels and a boa were brought up. This was in spite of a strict dress code that mandated fairly unisex uniforms and flat, closed-toe footwear. Indeed, the assumption was that if I was going to be a woman, I was going to be over the top �" as if any of the other women in the office were somehow going to do the same.
Later, after I was let go from that workplace and entered another, I found that yes indeed, the 30 percent pay differential is alive and kicking. I found myself with the same job, with additional responsibilities and expectations, yet a smaller paycheck at the end of the day. Oh, and I also had a boss who would call me and the other woman in the office his "girls," and regularly explain to us how to do our jobs.
This was one of the things I was not all that ready for, by the way. It is regularly assumed that I need everything explained to me. It is as if one assumes that I have nothing more substantial than pillow stuffing in my head, and need even basic skills continually reinforced lest they dribble out my ear holes.
I had been warned in advance by other women just how one is perceived when you stand up for yourself. What is rewarded as assertive when one is viewed as male, is dismissed as "bitchiness" when one is perceived as female. It was assumed that we simply should accept the behavior of our male counterparts, with excuses such as "it's just how he is" or "I was just joking."
Another almost stereotypical experience was when I took my car to a mechanic, and ended up with a bill for hundreds of dollars of work that I never asked for. I have since learned that not only did they charge me for work they never did, but also the work they did do was done so poorly that I should have refused to pay. Like I said, the notion of a mechanic taking advantage of a female driver is so stereotypical as to be clichéd.
Now like I said, some of this I knew or suspected going into my transition, and some of it was new to me. Our society is rife with examples of sexual harassment and other inequalities. I learned of this in my youth, at the height of the push for the Equal Rights Amendment, and learned of it more in the ensuing months and years as I grew to adulthood.
Now I willingly admit that my experiences are going to be different than most other women. My upbringing was not the same. My life experiences today �" even those that overlap what others have experienced �" are not exactly the same. I can look at the experiences of others on a site like My Fault with a certain level of kinship, but I know some of my experiences are distinctly unique to being a transgender woman. I know too that while I may find a certain level of camaraderie with the other women populating such a blog, I cannot assume the opposite to be true.
But here's the thing: there are those who will tell you that my transition is also part of some misogynist plot, that I am attempting to supplant women, or make a mockery of women, or in some other way to harm. Yet somehow, in doing so, I have only put myself at the same ridiculous societal level of other women, if not a bit further hampered by those who would view me as inferior for my transgender status.
I suspect that most transgender men have plenty of stories of sexual harassment over their birth gender including many detailing how their own feelings of masculinity were erased by those same people who would worry about me wearing a boa to work �" or would tell any woman, trans or otherwise, that they're feelings and opinions are moot simply based on their gender.
When we divide ourselves out like that, when we draw lines and decide who is or isn't able to feel discrimination, we only aid those who would wish to hold all women down. We all have our differences, but we all have something to gain and learn from each other, much as I did.
We all benefit by ending sexism, by breaking down rigid gender dichotomies that hold us all back, regardless of our transgender status. That's something in which I can find no fault.
Gwen Smith may be a woman, but she is no one's girl. You can find her online at www.gwensmith.com.